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Spinning Tops For Sale Question

Nancy asks…

how’s my story i’m writing?

After parking their prized 1967 Mustang, Constance and her mom met the moving men upstairs. They were sitting on their cozy green couch eating hotdogs. Constance gave her mom two minutes to freak out. “Oh no! Not on my couch you won’t.” Carmen walked over and shooed them. The moving men snickered and stood outside the apartment door to eat. “Constance, while i make sure everything’s in order can you do me a favor?” Carmen pulled her hair into a ponytail letting a few whisps of hair loose. “Sure, what?” “You’re school, i’ll give you the address, i need you to get the forms i need to fill out. I’ve already called, they’ve got them waiting.” Constance shrugged and nodded as her mom wrote down the address on a pink post-it and gave her cab money. “If you get lost…call Jacob.” Camen let out a long breath before watching the moving men carry in her granite topped wood carved side table. “Not by the window!” She cried. Constance smiled to herself and made her way out the building.
The air smelled like fall. The smell of crisp leaves and honey. Now how was she supposed to call for a cab? She looked down the street and saw a man in a light brown trench coat waving in the street, his face serious. Constance stood a little taller and waved feriously out into the street. A cab whizzed by to the other man. Constance rolled her eyes and waved some more. 3 cabs passed by. Did they all think she was some grungy teenage girl trying to rob a cab? Of course, she was on the Upper East Side where comfortable, casual clothes from Marshall’s and the sale rack at Nordstroms was grungy and homeless looking. Finally, a cab stopped for her. The man looked back at her and didn’t say anything. “Um can we go to the corner of 65th, The Weldon School?” The man nodded and took off. Constance fell back into the seat studying her shoes. For goodness sakes she could’ve changed into her plain black converses at least where she didn’t draw on them. And her faded skinny jeans and Red Sox baseball cut shirt made her seem like she rolled out of bed after a rough night out. Her hair was tousled to the side, a little too wavy for her liking and her mascara was rubbed under her left eye when she was sleeping in the car. Well at least she looked, “wilderness chic.”10 minutes later, the cab driver pulled in front of a cream colored building that slightly looked like the MET. Constance payed the driver and got out. A few students lingered outside since it was a Friday. Constance assumed they were the regular to geeky kids. Better known as “safe-zone friends.” A girl in a red leather jacket dark skinny pants with black heels and soft light brown hair was perched on a muscley looking blonde boy with those artsy black glasses. She giggled obnoxiously and hit his shoulder. She was defiently not a safe-zone friend. He smiled with adorable dimples and kissed her cheek. She pulled off her white beret and placed it on his head. He did the kissy face and put his hand to his head in the infamous model pose. Constance rolled her eyes. This is what she had to deal with? She walked up what felt like 20 steps before reaching the door. The glass doors were wide and half the size of the building. A girl in all black sat at the door way reading Hamlet. When she saw Constance she smirked and hissed. Constance’s eye’s widened as she quickened her pace to the office. The office was a light, cheery, yellow with white tiled floors. “For Dr. Weldon use the door to the right.” A nasely, old lady pointed to the door.” She opened her princpals door after she realized she should’ve knocked. His chair was turned around facing his Mac. Constance cleared her throat. The chair spun revealing a very young, very good looking, Dr. Weldon. “Hey.” He smiled. Constance smiled back and said, “Hi, I’m Constance Billard, i’m transferring from Laguana Beach High.” He nodded still smiling. “Yep, heard great things from your school about your ballet.” He shuffled through his desk for papers. Constance couldn’t help but notice his the viens running through his hands. Not gross looking but actually extremely attractive. Not that she could like her princepal. “Here we go. All the papers we need from you by Monday.” With his amazingly hot hands, he handed her the papers. “Thanks.” Constance hoped her cheeks weren’t red. “No uniforms here.” He said smoothing his American Eagle rolled to the elbow dress shirt. “But, in those papers are the rules for what you need to wear to your intensive ballet course.” Constance ran her fingers over the papers. “Alright thank you.” On her way out, the two kids she passed had left. Probably hopped a cab to the next lavish party. Through the cab ride home she kept thinking about Julien. Well, Dr. Weldon. Imagine having a crush or better yet an affair with your princepal? Classic N.Y.C. scandalous story.

i know there’s grammar problems i usually fix it up later on (:
be honest!
p.s. jacobs her brother whos at nyu. i explained it earlier but i had to delete it due to the 5000 character limit

scottparat answers:

There’s definitely a story there. On a scale from one to ten, I’d say it’s a 6.5. And that’s good. It lost 3.5 points because it’s dry. There’s no feeling, no mood to your narration. You need to use better descriptive words, and you need to make the sentences flow. When you read through it, you don’t want to have to stop and reread a sentence.

Some parts don’t make sense and, as a reader, I couldn’t understand what you were trying to get across. For instance, “He did the kissy face and put his hand to his head in the infamous model pose.” What does that mean?

And the dialogue is a little boring. Play out the scene in your mind. What are realistic things the characters would say?

Otherwise, your characters are very put-together. And your plot is intriguing. Good job.

Sandra asks…

Would you buy a ‘scary’ washing machine? And why? !?

Melbourne, Dec 7 (ANI): A washing machine with the description of being so scary that it can make kids cry has won the top spot as New Zealand’s most viewed online auction.
Kiwis apparently loved the humour of the advertisement, which described the thunderous 1980s machine as a frightening beast that “makes guests scared and children cry”.
“Once, while washing a load of towels, it got a bit out of balance and so out of control for a minute I swear I actually saw a porthole [sic] to another dimension open above it and, just for a second, there were dinosaurs on the other side and they looked scared too,” quoted the owner as writing.
“On heavy duty spin cycle it sort of sounds a bit like the tortured howls of 1000 undead writhing in the sulphury pits of hell mixed with a train with carriages full of scrap iron sliding down the road with no wheels, on fire, into a bell factory.
“If you’re either completely deaf or hate your neighbours this baby is for you,” the owner continued with his description.
He also added that the proceeds from its sale would be used to pay for counselling. (ANI)

scottparat answers:

MY first washing machine was a Hoover twin tub after that I had a Hoover Auto front loader with a sloping front, no window, just a door. OMG the number of nappies I washed in those two machine.

They were so very basic that if they went wrong I could take the back off and fix them myself!!

Me with a bucket of nappies in one hand, and a spanner in the other. Now that IS scary. Lolol

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