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Email Marketing Tips Question

Jenny asks…

EMPLOYMENT EMAIL!!! PLEASE PLEASE HELP! does this sound good!!!?

Employment email!? does this sound good? please help!?
So i want to apply at a restaraunt so I sent the manager an email. This is what it says :

“Hello Kiersten,
I am extremely interested in any job opportunities at liberty market. Not only do I love the food there, but I also love the enviroment! I feel that I would fit right in if you gave me a chance.
If your interested, or if there are any current (or soon to be) job openings please let me know. I would love to send you my resume.

my name”

Is that good? should i make any changes? Any tips??

scottparat answers:

Liberty Market is capitalized. Use the present tense “give” instead of “gave” in your third sentence. In the fourth sentence use you’re not your. Otherwise the email sounds good.

Sandy asks…

Tips for gettng more customers and keeping the ones you have?

I feel like I have exhausted every single marketing plan there is, from direct marketing to direct mail, to internet marketing. I have carefully crafted a business plan, found my niche and think i have done a good job letting people know I’m here. People tend to flock to my website and thats about all they do, flock. I know its normal for small businesses to go through that phase where the phones stop ringing, the email stops coming in and people tend to stop in there tracks before they ever reach you. Small businesses owners, how did you overcome this? Anything I should try?
What about my website, Is there anything I could improve there?
Thanks for your reply

scottparat answers:

Hi Amy,

You said you had people flocking to the site, but obviously no one was interested in parting with any cash for your services. I looked at the site and at first I thought the site was possibly still under construction because I kept seeing basically the same thing on each page.

A lot of people don’t want to have to scroll down too far. I forget what the statistics are for how long we can hold someone’s attention, but it is only seconds, I remember that much, but can’t remember whether it is 10 seconds or 3. I do remember from my days in HTML / web design school that it was recommend to keep each page down to a screen shot size. Also the sections where the columns are very long or empty seem a bit, well, empty…. Maybe wrapping the text from one column to another with headings might be a consideration.

If I were going to advertise, I would want to see an example of what the brochure(?) looks like, kind of get a feel for what type of product was coming out. I am also not clear as to whether this is a ‘local’ thing or world wide. Maybe I didn’t read everything.

A couple of nit-picky things…. There are a couple of instances where what I think the word ‘now’ should be ‘know is there instead and also on your Advertising page where it says “After the publicatin date Nickels and Dimes will place a poll on its website to find out how many people have downloaded or read our e brochure.” Publication is missing the ‘o’.

I only mention this because mis-spellings, etc… On a professional business site can take away from the site…. I don’t mean to criticize because I am the worlds’ worst at spelling sometimes and proofing my work and sometimes when I do my own proofing… The word looks right to me in my mind.

Maybe if you flipped the top information about the myspace thing with the lower columns, people would get to your ‘content’ faster. However, I know how time consuming web development can be and deciding to rework a site is certainly an individual choice.

The color choices are good and give a comfortable warmth.

Anyway … That is just my ‘nickel and dime’s worth’

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