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Spinning Tops With Lights Question

Richard asks…

Constructive criticism on my poem please :D?

Please be honest:
He roams the streets,
and in he creeps,
to children’s dreams,
in search, it seems,
for teddy bears,
and rocking chairs.
Spinning tops,
and lemon drops,
a pretty pink bow,
and cookie dough.
Then home he skips,
with a song on his lips,
a sweet lullaby,
for the children that lie.
His clogs do clop,
as he enters his shop,
and every aisle,
as long as a mile,
is crowded with toys,
for the girls and boys.
He empties his stash,
in a dart and a dash.
He fills up the spaces,
to light up th faces,
of the children who stop,
at Tinker Tot’s Toy Shop!

scottparat answers:

I love it! It’s consistent and has a great rhythm!
But a thing you can do though to let the readers know a bit more about it and understand it better is to read it and upload to youtube. Just the tone of your voice and the way you read it can really change a poem, but if you read it for us we would know how it is supposed to be read and sound like.

Sharon asks…

Inception totems: Can you help me think of some more?

In the new movie Inception, the characters have small objects that they carry around with them called totems that help them tell the difference between what is a dream and what is reality. The main character, Cobb, has a small metal spinning top. When he is in a dream, the top does not fall over after being spun, but continues to spin indefinitely. Another character has a chess piece with a specific weight that only she knows, and in reality she is seen using it by toppling it over with her finger (It is unclear what happens if said totem was in a dream, but I suspect that it would either not fall when tipped or fall but then rebound, or she could just simple tell its a dream if it has a different weight). It is not required for a totem to break the laws of physics in a dream, for example someone has a loaded die that lands on a number only he knows, but this is not relevant to the question.

Anyway, can you help me think of some more small trinkets that, when in a dream, would have a unique property or would posses a quality that is against logic or that is impossible? I have got a few already:
An hourglass whose sand moves upwards instead of down. (<– this is the one I would use)
A watch or pocket watch that moves backwards
A compass whose pointer spin around and points in ALL directions.
An everlasting gyroscope (variant of the spinning top)
A coin that always lands on heads.
A lighter that doesn’t go out (except when not in use of course)
A rubber ball that always returns no matter how far bounced.
A small cube or marble that defies gravity and doesn’t fall when dropped, but stays put.
A flashlight that emits light in the real world, but emits darkness in the dream world.

I need help thinking of some more. While you’re at it, can you think of a quality that goes against the laws of physics for these items: a spyglass (it’s a mini telescope), a key (a key that opens every door does not count), and a ring (don’t say a ring that wouldn’t stop if you spun it, I think we’ve got that covered). Remember, these items need to be small.

scottparat answers:

A note pad that writes for you
A pencil thats tip erases and the eraser draws
A Key that opens minds when you hold it out, so it helps people understand
A Spyglass that see’s through lies when you hold it up to someones face
A Ring, that the person who gave it you ties you to that person forever unless you take it off
A Fishing line that everytime you put it in the water it catches an undiscovered fish.

Thats all i have hope it helped :)

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